Defending Your Offending: Avoiding Fender Benders

Hard to believe I know, but yes, all of us at one time or another can be offensive. Unfortunately, offending one another is just part of human nature: intentional or unintentional; for any number of reasons, in a variety of ways. Regardless of the reasons, all of us have the capacity to offend anyone at any time without even knowing it.

We should, of course, take the time and care to do our best to avoid these situations; but we should also be prepared to deal with them as they arrive. There is a direct line between how we deal with the aftermath of offending one another and business effectiveness.

As a leader, if we offend one of our team members, we must understand the impact behind all of the decisions made in the process of handling the situation. Your goal as a leader should be to dissipate the situation, but to do so in a manner so that the fix is permanent and all parties involved leave feeling respectfully heard.

Be sure to not question your accuser’s feelings. You may question their reasoning, but their emotions are their own.

My suggestion is to always choose empathy. You very well may not have meant to hurt anyone. However, if you take responsibility for leaving someone feeling ill-at-ease and you wish to do anything you can to mend the situation, it displays that you clearly care for the mental health of your team. Additionally, you show that you honour their word and that you wish to be held accountable for your actions.

When we know we have done everything with positive intentions and someone still steps forward as being offended by our words or actions, instinct might pull us to become defensive. When we are told we are being offensive, it may seem that our honour is being questioned. If we become overly defensive, however, it could open the gates for more possibilities to offend those around us. Identifying our own personal defensiveness can be key to dismantling conflict, before it mutates into an even greater problem.

Here are three common yet negative examples of responses often given to employees who speak out when they feel offended by their leader:

No one else has said anything.

I have sadly heard this time and time again from employers handling employee grievance issues.  That this one employee was the only person that spoke up, so they feel it shouldn’t really account for much.   By doing this you are isolating your employee, who by feeling offended has already felt isolated by you as a leader. And there is no dictionary that would define ‘offensive’ with the caveat “only if more than one person says so.” One of the many things that diversity has taught us is that we all experience the same things in many different ways. Certain occurrences mean more to some than others. By insinuating that the offensive situation is just in the one employee’s mind, the employer may cause psychological damage and could create a paranoid work environment for an employee who potentially didn’t feel that way to begin with.   

I’m sorry that you feel offended.

You might as well finish that sentence up with “but I still don’t think I did anything wrong.”

By saying that you are sorry that the person feels offended does not take responsibility for your words or actions. It only offers the employee a sense of pity, and suggests that you believe their negative feelings are a personal problem. Even though you have uttered the word “sorry”, this does not constitute an apology for offending the other person.

Other people complimented me.

That may be, but one woman’s trash is another man’s treasure, and vice versa. You have to honour the person telling you that what you have said has offended them, just as much as you are willing to readily honour those who complimented you. Reacting this way comes across as if you are operating with blinders that deflect all negative perspectives, even if they have validity.

Our teams are made up of individuals. We must treat them as such and nothing less. Yes, we are in business to make money. We need people, both as team members and consumers in order to make that happen. Money is certainly a numbers game, and the number of people we engage with most definitely plays into the amount of money we make.

But at the end of the day, the individuals that work for and with us on a daily basis are not numbers; they are people. They are dignified human beings who signed onto your leadership journey in order to help sustain their livelihood. That decision deserves to be treated with nothing but respect and care by you as a leader at every turn.

How would I recommend responding when an employee tells you that you have offended them?:

“I’m very sorry that I or anything I have said has offended you. What can I do to make the situation better for you?”

“Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.”

 -Robertson Davies

   

You Live. You Learn.

About a year and a half ago, I was introduced to a fascinating young man named Michael, who I ended up hiring to do some very niche creative work for Global Learning. He would say he was fortunate that I was able to understand the value in his diverse experience; however, his innovative work for Global Learning would prove that good fortune was also mine.  

Michael is one of those people that, when you meet, you just know there is something different about them. He is the type of person that embraces the world from his own angle, all the while staying eager to understanding the views of others. A great sign of an involved team player and potential leader.

When he was younger, Michael’s uniqueness led him to pursue a career as an actor. He has elite training from prestigious, historic institutions, and a performance resume which boldly represents that education.  

When he wasn’t performing, he could be found taking on any number of other theater-related responsibilities: everything from directing, to teaching, to casting. He even spent some time working as part of the casting team for a list of Broadway productions and feature films.

He had worked in the professional entertainment industry from the time he was 11, until about the time he was 27, when unforeseeable circumstances caught his life off guard. His priorities had to change, and he now felt obligated to seek out what others would deem as “conventional work”.

Until we crossed paths, by his own retelling, he wasn’t having the easiest of time getting his foot in the door, even for interviews. He says that many employers he would speak with just didn’t quite understand him, and they would be dismissive because of his alternative experience. He felt they didn’t understand the responsibilities involved with the theatrical positions he was listing on his resume.      

When I first met Michael and took a look at his resume, I would say he only had one or two traditional working positions that, on paper, could correlate to the business world. But because of similar backgrounds he and I shared, and the fact that I took the time to really listen to his story, I was able to read the language his resume was speaking.

Ballet is where my passion led me for many years before joining the corporate ranks. I know firsthand the vigor, passion, willpower, stamina, loyalty, and dedication it takes to survive in the professional performing arts. Performance artists have a real understanding of knowing what their responsibility is, within the greater organizational picture. Another sign of an involved team player and potential leader.

I knew that Michael had the potential to be one of Global Learning’s superstar employees.

I asked him why he thought employers or recruiters may not see him for his true worth, and I found his response to be very interesting.

“For the generations before me, like my parents and grandparents, options were limited and obligations concrete. I think because of this sense of containment they were raised in, they sought to teach my generation that our options were boundless, and we had an obligation to follow our passion, whatever the cost.”

He explained how he has come across countless people from his generation who found a passion when they were younger, spent a large portion of time and dedication to developing their skills regarding that passion, and – due to life’s uncertainty – have found themselves with noteworthy achievements, yet limited traditional business experience.

Imaginative, innovative and passionate people with powerful unique skills are available to employers, and the pool is large. These potential employees are being abruptly ignored because, at first glance, those skill sets don’t readily align with traditional best business practices.  

Michael handled his Global Learning responsibilities so exceptionally; he was quickly being sought by other companies to do similar work. Instead of taking the best offer, he harnessed his skill that he had developed here at Global Learning, and then created his own company, devoted to his now-developed expertise. This gave him the opportunity to take on the offers he received from potential employers, and turned them into potential clients. Fortunately for me, Global Learning is one of his primary accounts. With the launch of his own endeavors, at the age of 31 he is now thriving, confidant, self-reliant, and trusting of his own acquired wisdom.

Leaders and employers must keep their eyes wide open and their ears perked for people like Michael. We have the skilled workers we have been looking for right in front of us and their skills are rather incredible. Perhaps they just need to be refined to your organization’s needs.

“Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move. You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.”

- Henry David Thoreau

 

The HR Times, They Are a Changin'

I am all for policies being in place for handling sensitive workplace situations, but we mustn't forget sometimes those policies need reviewing.

Recently, I was approached for advice regarding a workplace situation of a departmental employee of a very large organization. This department is comprised of a director, several managers and roughly 130 employees.

When speaking with the employee, capping off a variety of what I actually believed to be sincere leadership concerns, the last straw came when the employee felt they had been verbally disrespected by their director.

The employee, with strong supporting evidence, also alleges that the director through various actions encourages resentment towards employees who may need to take time off due to their disabilities. This is despite the fact that employees have the contractual right to take personal time at their discretion, and that personal time is afforded to all employees, with or without disabilities.

The work ethic of the employee has been consistently noted as stellar in both supervisor and client reviews. Specifically noted were the employees effeciency skills. This employee clearly is not out to waste anyones time, so they opted to take the route the organization offers to handle such circumstances and filed a grievance against the director.

Allow me to give you a quick run-down of how this particular grievance process works:

1.   Employee files grievance with 1 of the managers.

2.   The manager then confers with the other managers and director to decide if they find the grievance valid. They have 2 weeks to come to this decision.

3.    If the grievance is found invalid, the employee can appeal, which precipitates a meeting with the manager, director, a union representative and an HR representative. The director and HR representative will decide if the grievance is still deemed invalid. The director has two weeks to schedule this meeting, and has the opportunity to ask for an extension.

4.    If found invalid again, the employee can appeal a final time where they must bring the issue before a designated impartial tribunal. It may take over a year for the tribunal to be assembled.

     

     

      This process, while more than a bit convoluted, very well may have been created with the best of intentions.

Despite the evidence which I found valid, the grievance was dismissed by the managers and director after the first and second stages in the process. Which, considering the director is the superior in question, wasn't much of a shock.  When the accused is making the final call, I can't say I am confident that decision is made without prejudice. However, the employee can file and has filed an appeal.

Based on the policies in place, the outcome of the first two stages will be determined by the offender.

When this was questioned, the employee was told that the only way to reach the tribunal stage was to go through the first stages of the policy process.

So, just to be clear, because the policy must be followed to the letter and there are no exceptions allowed, the abused must:

·         Directly accuse their abuser, twice.

·         Attempt to convince the abuser that they are indeed abusive in their leadership tactics, twice.

·         All so that they can finally approach the issue with a non-partial panel, which may take up to a year to put in place.

What stands out to me the most is the lack of concern for the employees mental health throughout this entire situation.

We have a sincere, exemplary employee who has to re-live an uncomfortable workplace situation several times, only to be told by the director involved each time that their feelings are unreasonable. And to add insult to injury, the employee must work for another year under a director they feel they can prove is discriminatory.

Let's even give the director the benefit of the doubt and assume for a second the employee’s feelings, while sincere may be misguided - although, I don't believe that to be the case:

It’s the fact that there is even the existence of an active policy that would prolong any amount of mental anguish for an employee that truly startles me.

Workplace discrimination claims are on the rise. It's a pristine indicator that workers are dutifully becoming aware of their right to a mentally and emotionally stable and safe work environment. Hopefully this is leading employers to the understanding that it is their responsibility to establish and ensure that workplace exists for everyone involved, without exception.

Most organizations have conflict/resolution policies in place, but with an increasing awareness of the effects of positive and negative mental health in the workplace, we must question the effectiveness of these policies.

I'll say it again: I am all for policies being in place for handling sensitive workplace situations, but we mustn't forget that those policies require review, revision and most importantly, at all times, enforcement.

`` Twice and thrice over, as they say, good is it to repeat and review what is good."
- Plato

You know, It’s That Video, or Something.

Just yesterday, I noticed a “#KONY2012” sign in the window of a local business. Even if you haven’t seen the video, or you’ve been disconnected from the internet and television lately, you have more than likely seen the name or heard the phrase “#KONY2012”.

Having had several clients contact me to ask my view of the video and whether it would be appropriate to support within a workplace, I had taken the time to watch the video and had my team do quite a bit of reading up on #KONY2012.

Out of devilish curiosity, pretending I was clueless, I asked the store’s clerk what they knew of #KONY2012 and why the sign was there.

The clerk then proceeded to tell me: “Oh my manager put that sign up. It’s this thing on Facebook and Twitter, like this YouTube video. It’s about this guy, Joseph Kony (The bold represents how they said his name with distinction as to be sure that is what I remember). He’s from Africa, and he kidnaps kids and makes them kill their parents and do all this awful stuff. And these guys who made the video want Obama to send troops to Africa to stop him or something like that.”

“Have you watched the video?” I asked.

“I watched part of it,” the clerk replied, “but it was too sad once they started showing pictures of what happened to the kids. If I want to see stuff like that, I’ll watch a real movie.”

I then politely thanked them for filling me in, and that I would have to go home and watch the video.

#KONY2012 is a 30-minute documentary film, produced by the organization Invisible Children Inc. The film depicts the experiences of a group of film-making activists, who happen upon Jacob, a 12 year old Ugandan Boy. At the time, Jacob was fleeing the Lord's Resistance Army (L.R.A.), lead by Joseph Kony. 

Jacob shared his experiences of witnessing his brother’s execution.  With no hesitation he explained the details of the situations that he and countless others had to endure in order to survive. Any human being cannot deny the emotional impact that comes from hearing this young man’s life, first hand.

The film goes on to describe Invisible Children Inc.’s plan to “#StopKony”, which boils down to making as many people aware of his crimes and encouraging as many people as possible to speak out. Thus, the more people that speak out, the more likely it will be that North American law makers will maintain their action against Joseph Kony and the LRA. Invisible Children Inc. has a very distinctive and plausibly actionable request of the public: “Make Joseph Kony famous.“

The short film was released on YouTube, and launched into the social media universe less than a month ago. Its view count has reached over 80 million on YouTube alone. If you know nothing about the situation in Uganda, and the current status of the LRA, the film is enlightening, empowering, horrifying, dramatic, and utilizes sincere emotion. Bottom line, it is very well made film in regards to promoting social justice with a built-in understanding of its marketing and viral capabilities.

So with many things that muster the attention of millions, comes the questions of the “who/what/why/how’d they do it?”

As the video went viral, word began to swiftly spread about the various views of Invisible Children Inc., their financial practices, their political allies and their polarization of the situation in Uganda that is rooted at the film’s core. The Ugandan government has even released a counter video to #KONY2012.

I’ll leave it to you to decide if you trust Invisible Children Inc and support the cause of #KONY2012.

What I do ask of you is this: do your research. No one can do this research for you, in its entirety. Social media is a juggernaut of content creation and amplification. With its direct ability to tap into human instinct and emotion, we are left with extreme potentials to empower, as well as to mislead.

Any number of false celebrity death notices passed around Twitter indicates that headlines travel first, and facts of the matter travel second. When it comes to information that specifically interplays with our emotions – and frequently this is diversity-driven content – we are generally led to react. If we are happy, we smile and we laugh. If we are sad, we pout and we cry. If we feel empowered, we step up and we speak out.

 
With a film so touching, so sensitively driven as #Kony2012, it really wasn’t surprising to see it in the Facebook timelines of countless friends and colleagues within its first week. Then all of the sudden, you slowly watched, as many people began to remove the video one by one from their feeds, and delete any praise they may have offered.

It’s within that time frame from the drop to the back pedal, where severe damage from misinformation can be done. Damage that includes the extension of false or dulled facts; false education in my mind is criminal. The damage that comes from potentially offending those with close ties to the topic at hand is very powerful and very real.

We must – as parents, educators, leaders, employers, colleagues and friends – highlight the importance of digging a little deeper before we press send. Similar to thinking twice before posting your own personal ideology via the twitter-verse, what you post carries a far greater impact than what I believe our society has even begun to comprehend.    

Watching this play out, one thing is crystal clear: People, by the masses, are finding their voice. Perhaps it’s the anonymous aspect of the internet, and not having to say things while looking into one another’s eyes. But humanity seems to want to speak out, and humanity has found its microphone: social media.

Social media has created a world of passive activists. A passive activist is a person that will gladly speak up for a cause they believe in, but at their convenience. Life doesn’t leave everyone the opportunity to go to rallies, travel to Washington or Ottawa to march, or write a brilliant thesis dedicated to social justice. However, social media has offered us the accessible opportunity “to march” from our iPads, while still in our PJs, via all the very simple acts of sharing, re-tweeting, +1’ing, and now pinning.

Leading people to awareness is wonderful. The more people who begin to care about the situations and lives of others, the more blissful our planet can remain and further become. We definitely can include activism more actively in our everyday lives now thanks to social media, and I stand by that as being a very good thing. So long as it’s rooted in truth, dignity and complete understanding.

When something like #KONY2012 hits the social web and we feel emotional, it’s easy to press that “share” button. It’s so easy to re-tweet with as many hash tags as possible to feel as if you are doing your part and spreading the word.

“This made me feel like a good person. I want others to feel this way. Why shouldn’t I send this to people to make them feel like good people too?”

While fast action is certainly a necessity at times, as social media users we should try to fully understand the situations before we engage in them. Even by just re-sharing a video, you are making a large statement about yourself: “I believe in this.” Unless you state them, there are no “qualifiers”. When you post the #KONY2012 video, and make no reference to your feelings about its makers or their critics, you are stating that you support the cause and its organizational creators.

This is 100% acceptable if you have taken the time to define for yourself a clear understanding of the video, the content, and its origins.

Parting HR Thought: 

If you take the time to post any political or socially significant signage on your business property inform your employees in full detail as to what they and your organization are now representing.  

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
 -Winston Churchill

International Women's Day: Won't You Tweet My Neighbor?

We all have an innate feeling of longing for the days where saying "hello" to your neighbor and complimenting them on their roses was the everyday norm. 

Yesterday, we here at @eGlobalLearning decided to do just that. 

In celebration of International Women’s Day, we dedicated our day of tweeting to a portion of the women that we have either had the pleasure of connecting with through social media or women who have caught our eye as global change agents. The opportunities for offering support are endless when it comes to connecting via social media. It’s a fantastic representation that even our competitors can be, and are, our colleagues.  

We recommend you follow each of these inspiring women. At the very least, we suggest you swing by their twitter profiles, listen to what they have to say, visit their websites, and even reach out to them if you feel moved to do so.

These female champions all had the courage to join the social media conversation. Anyone that takes the time to present themselves by saying "I am here, and I want to connect with you" should at the very least be acknowledged. We aimed for 75, but were inspired to include a couple of extra wonderful women for good luck! Our list is in no particular order.

• @UN_Women - the UN entity for gender equality & women's empowerment. It was established to accelerate progress on meeting the needs of women & girls worldwide.
• @MargaretAtwood- author 
  
• @Hanigsberg- VP Administration & Finance at Ryerson University, mom of 3, wife of amazing guy, dog-owner, feminist, social media neophyte.
• @TEDxWomen-  Features leading-edge innovators and powerful ideas from women and girls—and a few men too.
• @GirlGuidesofCan -  Girl Guides of Canada is the leadership organization of choice for girls and women in Canada. Looking for Cookies? Check out our sister account @GirlGuideCookie
• @GirlScouts- The official Girl Scouts of the USA twitter feed. We build girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place.
• @JudyBlume - Are You There, Twitter? It's Me, Judy
• @CatalystInc- Working globally to build inclusive workplaces and expand opportunities for women and business.
•  @3PlusInt- A professional network of Women Worth Knowing who support, mentor, promote & endorse each other to achieve their career goals. Game changers.
• @DorothyDalton- International talent management strategist. Connects top organisations, people & opportunities. Coach. Co-founder 3Plus Intl. Loves words!
•  @BizShrink- Leadership psychologist. Creating psychologically savvy leaders. Unstoppable force advancing women leaders. Love how you toss the wisdom around on your posts.
• @TMODOM- Education and Diversity and Inclusion consultant; Coach; Educator; Passionate about issues of equity, diversity and community; Committed to health and wellness
• @DebbiAlmontaser- Founding/former Principal of Khalil Gibran Int. Academy- Educator,interfaith bridgebuilder, and public speaker on ways to combat racism/bigotry.
• @Pamela_Jeffery- Founder of the Women’s Executive Network™, Canada's Most Powerful Women: Top 100™ and the Canadian Board Diversity Council.
• @WXN- Canada's most influential female audience and the country's leading organization dedicated to the advancement and recognition of women in the workplace
• @theGlassHammer
• @SevernSuzuki - I am a sustainability advocate, author, speaker, television host...and now a mother - yay! I am also @wecanada Champion in the lead-up to the Earth Summit 2012.
• @TheBloggess- I have friends in spite of myself.
• @vatosca- Canadian soprano. Wife, mother. Nature lover. Book lover.
• @AnnaDeavereS- Actress and Playwright. Currently starring in Nurse Jackie on Showtime.
• @MarionChapsal- Creative Public Speaking for Women Training, Coaching and Story-Telling Enthusiastic Speaker and Baker...5 Kids, Lover of Books, Comics, Poetry, Chocolate.
• @Arie_Ball- VP Talent Acquisition at Sodexo, world leader in food and facilities mgt Interests incl. employer branding, recruitment, diversity &...... the Red Sox
• @LynneSoraya- Woman with Asperger's - passionate about raising awareness about issues facing those of us living on the autism spectrum. Blogger for Psychology Today.
• @theUrbanGrocer- Features cutting-edge foodstuffs from around the world.
• @KristynWongTam- Councillor, Ward 27 Toronto Centre-Rosedale. Please send email correspondence to councillor_wongtam@toronto.ca.
• @SenGillibrand- U.S. Senator from New York
• @IyanlaVanzant- Founder of Inner Visions Institute is a Master Spiritual Life Coach and Spiritual Technician; National Best Selling Author and a Mad scrapbooker!
• @RhondaBritten- Follow Me; passionate about helping you master your Fears! Tools to Turn the Life You've Got into the Life You Want!
• @or_jimenez- Human Resources Professional | Non-Profit Higher Education | Diversity & Inclusion | Leadership & Organizational Development | MBA
• @NikkiReneeSings-  Broadway singer/actress living the dream!
• @FrankeJames- Artist & author of Bothered By My Green Conscience | Who cares about the Forest? | Six Tools for Climate Change Art + more...
• @LindaHollier- Attempting to live life integrally and with mindfulness
• @NareenYoung- CEO Diversity Council Australia (www.dca.org.au). Tweets about workplace, business and community diversity, Aboriginality and feminism.
• @CaptionItWrite- Wife, mother, captioner, CART provider, advocate for the deaf and hard of hearing.
• @JillianMichaels
• @SKlopfer- Passionate about Civil Rights, Diversity, Social Media, eBooks. Publisher and author. Who Killed Emmett Till? (New murder mystery thriller coming soon.)
• @Ritu_Bhasin- People Strategist. Diversity Specialist. Media Contributor. Public Speaker. Leadership Coach. Devout Yogini. Working to create an inclusive & empowered world.
• @KimberleyLocke- Singer, songwriter, model, actress, American Idol finalist and TV personality Kimberley Locke. For booking please email info@i-am-ent.com
• @MaryFWinters- Founder, Winters Group & @LetsTalkWork; Author, Workplace Wisdom for Boomers, Inclusion Starts With 'I', CEOs Who Get It; Diversity Expert; Workplace Authority 
• @AmyBishopMusic- Singer/songwriter/all around nice gal - mother of three, too!
• @MoxieExchange- We’re bold. We’re fun. We’re high impact. Moxie is a women's biz org where authentic, wicked-smart women share business savvy and drive business results!
• @BrookGrahamltd- Brook Graham Ltd, global Diversity & Inclusion consultancy firm. We help organisations develop diverse talent and create truly inclusive workplace cultures.
• @JenniferBrown- Founder/CEO of Jennifer Brown Consulting (JBC) Artist, advocate, consultant, business owner passionate about creating more inclusive workplaces for all
• @SandySharma_ - Real Estate Professional,Real Estate Appraiser,Associate Broker,member of REBGV,member of AIC,opinions expressed r my own
• @Talent2050- Multicultural recruiter extraordinaire
• @Zapwoman- Media relations manager at the International Society of Diversity and Inclusion Professionals
• @RatnaOmi- President, Maytree Foundation - Interested in ideas, evidence, trends, and analysis on all things related to immigration, cities and diversity
• @_SheSuccess- Empowering women to become a Powerful Force For Change. Stop Waiting... Now is Your Time
• @Anne_McKevitt- Curious Adventurer in Life. I don't care about lipstick, shoes or celebs. I do care about how we treat the planet, each other & animals. Bona fide Entrepreneur.
• @JustCoachIt- Helping clients transform communication, career or leadership challenges into solutions that take them fwd faster+ happier Coach-Speaker-Writer-WebTV Host
• @AdventureNSW - Downhill & nordic skier, transsexual, intending asylum seeker (Canada) secretary, atheist, hitchhiker, poor outdoor adventurer.
• @theMonkIMarried- Part love story part spiritual guide, Lessons from the Monk I Married, a memoir about my 15-year journey with my husband, is coming 4/3/2012 from Seal Press!
• @TinaTinde- Diversity advisor in int org, single mom of 2, from Norway. Writing 1st novel, set in Cambodia. It's agony. Anthropologist, guest blogger
• @XELLEMusic- XELLE is a new girl pop group made up of @MimiImfurst, @JCCassis and @RonyGoffer. XELLE is the new sound of pop. www.XELLEmusic.com
• @DBhasin-   Knowledge Enterpreneur with focus on Small Enterprises, Travel, Tourism, Hospitality for eLearning and emarketing
• @VansonOT- Travelling enthusiast, Manager- Employer Relations-Talent Program ~ Diversity & Inclusion ~ volleyball nut :), loves hockey and married to a wonderful man!
• @PrettyZoely- Me Myself and I
• @SherriWrites- Multimedia reporter published in Essence, Heart&Soul, Ebony. Writes about health, race & more. Adjunct professor & PhD student @SyracuseU. Blog @BackboneWomen
• @AccessTourismNZ- Disabilities, Accessible Tourism/Travel Inclusion/ Universal Design HumanRights, Boomers/Seniors, Rabid Curmudgeon; views my own. One day I'm going to travel!
• @PepsiCoWIN- PepsiCo Women’s Inspiration Network is a network offering global female perspective through the involvement of experts, influencers & real women.
• @JenniferSertl- Author-Strategy, Leadership & the Soul fostering corporate consciousness and the evolution of the human spirit . . . this is the age of resonance.
• @Sue_Kate- Actor. Life-lover. Funnymaker. One year after joining twitter, I have a bio- Success! I talk to mops and make crafts out of ugly things. I'm a kooky lady!
• @DrMayaAngelou- Poet, educator, historian, best-selling author, actress, civil-rights activist, producer and director.
• @TanTTLe
• @BreneBrown- I'm a vulnerability researcher at the U of Houston. I study authenticity, shame, empathy, and courage. Book: THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION.
• @ChrisTinaFoxx- Chris Tina Bruce is a Transgender Bodybuilder, Fitness Consultant and Spokesperson. Together we can cultivate change.
• @140SocialWomen- 50 Women: chosen for their personal work ethics to change society & advance our global #culture(s). We salute sustainable socialgood.
• @GailSimmons- Always Hungry. The official Twitter page for Gail Simmons.
• @Tara_Costa- Tara was on @NBC's @BiggestLoserNBC Loser is over, but Tara's life has just begun! She left finance to get a MS in Phys Ed & began a charity @InspireChangeTC
• @ChristineKorda- VP Community Engagement-ShesConnected. Over 15 years of Digital and 10 years of Social Media experience.
• @GayleLemmon- Journalist, Author of NYT Best Seller The Dressmaker of Khair Khana and Deputy Director of Women and Foreign Policy Program at the Council on Foreign Relations
• @Tavitulle- Blobber and founding EIC of http://rookiemag.com.
• @AmyPurdyGurl- Fembot and speaker who loves life, music, art and nature! Snowboarder and co-founder of Adaptive Action Sports.
• @AmazingWomen- Celebrates, motivates & inspires. Loves amazing women & those who appreciate them. Rocks, rocks, rocks!
• @DocMarion- #1 Best-Selling Author Doctor of Holistic Healing, Metaphysician, Psychotherapist , Reiki Master
• @RealNichelle- Actress / Producer / Singer / Writer
• @ClassicalBeat- The classical music critic of The Washington Post.

"I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?"

 - Mother Teresa 

(Are there women that use Twitter that you garner inspiration from?  Feel free to let us know in the comment section under this blog! Great opportunity to showcase the women using Twitter that you adore!)

Onions Make People Cry

I had a meeting with a client several mornings ago. They operate an office in a building that houses over a hundred diverse departments, all representing the same organization.

In the 5-10 minutes it took me to get from my car to my destination, I was astounded at the number of people who were seemingly unaware of their simple actions, and the subsequent discomfort their thought-to-be-trivial behaviour was causing others.

For example:

• The gentleman outside the building door who blew his cigarette smoke in my face.
• The woman who did not say ‘thank you’ when a maintenance women held the door for her.
• The woman in the hallway just outside the daycare using profanity as she bellowed into her cell phone, clearly agitated with her cable service provider.
• The gaggle of giggling office gossips who didn't have the patience to wait for a man to exit the elevator first, before they got on.

Now, none of these instances were intentional inflictions. There was no evil prime directive to have smoke blown in my face or to thwart our elevator "exiter". While drawing a line to the assumption may not be far off, these ill-fated actions do not necessarily reflect and mirror their perspective on work ethic. Each of these people could be impeccable employees, lovely people who support any number of reasons as to why they behave the way they do.  

  

However, as I have mentioned before, sometimes good intentions just don’t cut it. Just because we may consider ourselves to be kind and respectful, doesn’t mean we are aware of the impact of our behavior. Thoughtless actions have consequences that are longer lasting than we might assume. These consequences I believe can spark negativity that can alter the emotional well-being of any workplace.

This actually reminds me of a science experiment:

• Take a glass of water and place 25 drops of onion juice into the glass.
• Then fill a second glass of water and take 5 drops of water from the original glass and add them to the second.
• Continue this pattern of reduction until you have reached a glass of water with drops from the previous that no longer taste of onion.

When we aren’t mindful, in life or at work, we have the potential of being that drop of onion water in someone else’s day.     

I am a life student of mindfulness. The mere definition leaves me excited to feel alive and has offered me a daily personal focus to navigate through my days. 

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, mindfulness is:

• The quality or state of being conscious or aware of something
• A mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations; used as a therapeutic technique.

The more we guide ourselves to a more mindful way of working and living, the more we eliminate situations of negative emotional distraction. Or when those potential distractions present themselves, having a mindful disposition may allow for a broader scope in understanding the problem and offer ease in dismantling it.

Mindfulness can also be considered the real first step into understanding diversity. By being aware of one another's identity, we are already building the bridge from diversity to inclusion. 

All of us, in and out of the workplace, can gain from focusing a bit more on our mindfulness skills.

Our lives, in a grand scheme of things, are very short. I believe by taking the time to think outside our own boxes we free up room in our brains, our hearts, our souls, even just our daily schedules, to take more time to think of others. By offering a positive impact – even on a stranger’s day – you very well may have just changed the world for the better and not even known it.

“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
―   Thich Nhat Hanh

Emotional Attendance is Mandatory

One of the common experiences I enjoy about working in the HR sector is that, in casual moments when people find out what I do, I often become privy to their workplace “dirty laundry”. Some HR professionals may not enjoy this aspect, but I find it’s almost a trade secret. For it is often in those moments that you may find you are being offered valuable insight into the mindset of employee / manager relations.

The knowledge gained from this type of conversation is one of my favourite examples of diversity education, stemming from the simplicity of sincerely listening to the human experience. It also represents the primal need to be heedfully heard. When we don’t feel heard, it appears disrespectful to our dignity. When we feel disrespected, we do not function at our most effective levels.

While catching up with a friend, I was made privy to the struggles their office and parent organization are currently facing. With my friend’s permission, I was left with some great take-away examples that I felt eager to share. To be clear, I won’t be sharing the “who”, “what” and “where”. To spare the innocent, the details may be vague, but the examples are not.

 This story stems from a managerial promotion that the majority of their staff found questionable. 

The specific office is comprised of approximately 100 employees, who are split between several managers. Within the office, there is an in-house team that was formed to address staff needs. It’s a “before we call the union in, let’s see if we can work this out ourselves” type of situation: a smart, cost effective idea.  

This team scheduled a meeting with the executive who was directly tied to the decision of the questionable promotion and notified the rest of staff as such. When the meeting began, the executive, who had been confirmed to attend, never arrived or notified anyone that they would not be present.

The organization has grievance policies in place to handle matters like these. The employees were notified that a grievance had been filed due to this situation, and that the executive is allotted a certain amount of time to respond. 

How convoluted is this?

The lack of executive attendance – and now the extension of time offered to the executive to respond to why they weren’t in attendance – gave an already ailing office morale (due to the initial questionable promotion situation) a deep kick in the gut.

Still with me?

The employees felt intentionally avoided by management, and left in a situation where they believed their employment equality was being disregarded.

My friend began to then describe how the general tone of the office became “gray”. Those known to frequently laugh were rather silent. Many people began keeping to themselves, and leaving the building for lunch to harness more alone time. They made mention that tensions between management and staff were consistently escalating. Any instance of slight discomfort in the office was being brought to management, because staff felt it was a way to “push back”.

Even my friend, who is one of the most rational people I know, found their mental health was shaken by this instance. At the end of a day, it’s only natural for our brains to Rolodex through the events that occurred over our last twenty-four hours. If the experiences in that time-frame regularly include off-putting work situations, it leads to lack of sleep. Lack of sleep, as we all know, leads to both physical and mental deterioration: something I firmly believe no one must endure as part of their work-life.  

 

So now we fast forward to about a week after the allotted response time is up. Staff are called into a meeting and told that the executive in question would be there to deliver a presentation. However they are not informed as to what the presentation will regard.

The executive proceeds to offer a presentation about office attendance, and how over the past weeks, the employee attendance levels from this specific office have dropped dramatically. Without engaging any discussion as to why this absenteeism is occurring, the executive opts to remind the employees that they have co-workers and when a staff member does not show up for work, their co-worker suffers, and in-turn the entire organization suffers.

Upon the completion of the presentation, a staff member presented the idea to the executive that their lack of attendance was a direct response to the executive’s lack of attendance to the initial questionable promotion grievance meeting. The executive with an apology then claimed they were never informed of the meeting leaving staff disoriented as to what the truth of the situation really was.

Even if I were a staff member of this office, I may not be in ‘the know’ as to the ins and outs of the organization and the full extent of its decision-making process. I’ll acknowledge that not all players in the game need to see the complete playbook. Business is business. Decisions must be made, and one of the first lessons we learn as entrepreneurs is that you can’t please everyone. But I firmly advocate approaching business with a “You can’t please everyone, but you can sincerely try” attitude.

It all boils down to dignity.

Break down of the Situation:

•  Executive makes an unpopular decision.
• Employees contest decision.
• Executive, without warning, does not attend meeting designated to discuss issue.
• Employees evoke their policy-written right to contest the executive’s actions.
• Management notifies the employees that they have been heard and will be responded to appropriately.
• A large portion of time passes with no response.
• This has a negative effect on employee morale and productivity.
• Employees are reprimanded for that poor productivity by executive.

In this situation, the employees felt lied to by management, as well as the executive involved. Giving management and the executive the benefit of the doubt, even if they weren’t being misled, employees should never be placed in a situation where they feel it’s a possibility.

If you as a leader provide the lowest common denominator of respectful acknowledgment, you will receive the lowest common denominator of effort from your employee in return. If you do not address a negative situation with swift action and by seeking to understand the emotional well-being of your employees involved, your employees will not seek longevity with your organization.

It’s very simple: Show you sincerely care, and those that sincerely care about your vision will present themselves to you.

 “Communal well-being is central to human life.”  - Cat Stevens